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Monday, August 8, 2011

Mowing your yard in excess = mental problem!

Well, I guess you could call it the "superfluity of grass trimming disorder" or perhaps "intemperate yard mowing syndrome" or simply say "that guy has a mental problem," but it is a pet peeve of mine to see someone mow their yard every two days. Not only does it waste gas and time, and helps pollute the planet just a little more, etc., it is also an eye sore and an aggravation to live beside some of these lawn mower freaks who mow in excess!

Yeah, yeah, some people are more neat and tidy, but my god! I've seen some people before, mowing with hardly anything coming out of the mower because what grass they were "cutting," is already as short as what you'd find at a golf course. I've also seen some of these lunatics mow during a drought. Yes, I said during a drought; you know, when it doesn't rain for a long period of time and the grass quits growing. Yep, when that happens, it ends up being a dust bowl and big clouds of dirt-filled air and debris flying around the neighborhood, onto your cars, house, etc... Uh, yeah, how thoughtful of ya! At any rate, most of these folks use riding mowers - even if they have a small yard. Maybe they would find something else to be addicted to, if they had to push mow their silly yard!

I'm going to tell a short story to make my point even more clear, as I'm describing a neighbor of mine who might need to be medicated, be subjected to shock treatment, or seek therapy due to this yard mowing mental problem of his:

Yesterday, I was looking at my yard as I was contemplating about mowing since it had been more than a couple weeks and it had recently rained a few times during the last day or so. The grass has been growing really slow the last month or so, since it is that time of year when it is really hot and dry.
Anyway, I decided to mow. I get my mower out, put gas in it (damn, I forgot to check the oil), prime it up, and start it. Within seconds, you can see the lunatic living in the house across from me, peeping through the blinds. We'll call this neighbor of mine "Pretty Boy," since he is just so insanely tidy when it comes to his yard.

As Pretty Boy feverishly paces the floor inside his house, the noise of my "push mower" is driving him nuts. He is thinking, "I just mowed 2 days ago and had the shortest yard on the block; now this guy is mowing and he always has the highest yard around; I can't allow this to happen, my yard must be shorter than his!"
I continue to mow, hoping his insane ass stays inside. Nope. Pretty Boy can't stand the pressure, his nerves are going haywire so he has to go grab some beer and then goes outside. He stands there watching my mower cut all that grass as he is calming his self with alcohol while talking to another neighbor across the fence.

As I'm making my laps in the yard with my cheap Chinese push mower, I can't help but look over at his yard that looks like it has been mowed down to the ground, and think to myself: "No, surely not. No-no, there's no fuckin' way his crazy ass is going to mow today."
Well, about this time, I'm halfway through with my yard, so I decided to take a break, smoke a cigarette, cool off and go grab a beer. By the time I come back outside, this crazy bastard has his weedeater out. I'm now thinking, "Okay, he is insane but surely he won't mow today; it hasn't even been 48 hours yet since his last mowing, so maybe Pretty Boy just missed a couple blades of grass along the fence and is just going to use the weed eater for a bit." Wrong!

I finally finished my yard, put the mower up and looked back over, and this mental patient was mowing! Mowing what, I don't know, but it was using a mower for a long while - just because my yard may have been slightly shorter. Actually, I think my yard was still higher after I mowed, than what his was before he mowed this time, if that tells ya anything.

I don't know why I wasted blog space typing about this crap, but I'm not the only one who feels this way. I've heard many people talk about how they can't stand seeing these lawn mowing lunatics waste gas while mowing their yard in excess.

Related link: "Lawn Mowing Lunatics - Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder"

---End of Post "Mowing your yard in excess = mental problem!"

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